A lot of this is redundant of my first post, but I wrote this on New Years eve and found it today. ..
It seems like I have spent the entire past year confused... about everything, really. For all of 2007, I've questioned God, questioned myself, my faith, my future. I have no idea what I believe anymore which makes me scared and frustrated. I used to have this intense faith in God- that He controlled everything. He had the answer for every single move I made, was making, and would make. I believed wholeheartedly that God was in complete control of my life. Who knows... maybe He still is, I don't know. Now, though, it seems like every bit of faith I used to have has disappeared completely. I don't know where God stands in my life. I don't know how involved He is and I rarely feel his presence anymore. I know he exists, I know He loves me, but that's about all I got. I also have no idea where to begin to find the answers to all my questions. It seems like when I ask God Himself, I get no reply, but who else is there to ask? In my quest to find the answers, maybe I should begin with what I do know to be true...
I believe God loves and cares about me. I believe that He has a plan for my life. I believe He hears my prayers. I am not sure if He answers them. I believe that if I would allow Him to, He would use me to better the world in some way. I believe He uses others to better me in some way. I believe Jesus is the savior of all who believe He is. I believe in the Holy Spirit. I believe He is pained when we are far from him, but does not force us to be close to Him. I believe God has a very good sense of humor. I believe you can see God in creation around us. I believe He wants me to be successful and happy and that His plans for me include success and happiness. I believe He does not care about material things, and neither should I (but I do). I believe through these rough times of doubt and questioning, He can make me stronger if I allow Him to.
This is obviously a work in progress... I wish I knew more about the God I believe in. I wish I knew, on a deeper level, what I do believe. I wish I had the discipline and the courage to seek Him out more often. I wish this was easy.
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2 comments:
I think the whole lot of us is confused. You aren't alone.Stand firm in your beliefs. Faith waiver in us all.
Blessings,
Ella
I think that there is a difference between trust and faith. Trust is much easier when you are young and naive. It's much more comfortable and safe. Faith is hard. It's a choice we must make every day - a choice that may not always give us peace of mind, but rather keep us in hard place for an indefinite period of time. I assume that you were raised in a Christian home... and as a child in Christ, we trust Him becuase we are told that He is good and will never let us fall. As we mature into Sons and Daughters of God, we learn that we will fall short, we will be discouraged and confused, and we will go through times in the wilderness, but even though it doesn't seem like it, He is AWLAYS there to pick us up when we fall, that still small voice, and our refuge from the storms. The weaker we become to ourselves, the stronger we become in Christ.
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